Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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