My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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