Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
