Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
she smelled like a LAN party
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
