yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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