There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Im part way to drunk.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
