Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
