I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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