ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
