did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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