I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
