if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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