Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
