there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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