lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
