Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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