if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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