And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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