I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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