I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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