i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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