you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
we're so committed to being not committed
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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