..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
