She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
