I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
