I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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