I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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