Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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