My first STD was from a foam party
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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