sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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