Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
