a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I smell stomach acid.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
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the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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