She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
