I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
