So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
