drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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