Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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