She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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