1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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