Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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