I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
