What did I eat last night that was bloody?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
