It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
