At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
