i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
