grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Rumble strips road head = magical
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
