I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
pray to the hookup gods
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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