you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
As shirtless as possible
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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