She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Alive.
So much puke
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
