why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
