So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
