I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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