White coat. Heels.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
this will be a night to untag.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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