she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
