I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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