i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
