Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Randomize
