Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
