I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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