So drunk, too bad you don't want this
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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