sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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