Three words: puerto rican gang bang
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm at about main and main street
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
