He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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