I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
