problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
