They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
