we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
