opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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