Christians are straight up FREAKS
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
